Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Little Blessings

That's what my children are...big blessings in little packages. Honestly, somedays it's all I can do to make it through the day. But, the sight of one of my sleeping angels is enough to bring me to my knees. (Notice I said "sleeping" :))

I read a cheesy quote once about having your heart permanently walking around outside your body once you become a mother. It's so very true. The love you have for a child is so intense, so deeply a part of your soul, the very thought of anything bad ever happening to them can paralyze you with fear. I've never prayed so hard as I have now that I'm a mother. I used to pray for things that were important, sometimes life-or-death matters. But, my daily prayers are desperate pleas now that I'm asking God to keep my little ones safe.

Sometimes the fact that my "mommyhood" is so all-consuming of my life makes me a little sad, even resentful (although I'm ashamed to admit this...). Sometimes the selfish part of me wants so much to not have to bear the burden of being "Mama." But then C laughs or makes ME laugh... Then little N looks at me and smiles the most genuine, "I'm so happy to see you" smile. Or, I find some piece of kid evidence laying around like a smushed goldfish or a missing marker top or an errant paci and I realize that my life before my children was good, wonderful even, but it's SO MUCH BETTER NOW. Harder, yes. But so much better. I'm not just Alisha anymore. I'm Mama. It doesn't get any better than that.

Hump Day Humor

C says the blessing at dinner. Last night, this is how it went:

C: "God is great. God is good. Lemeemenemen for our food. Aaaaaamen." (Amen pronounced as "Ah-men".)

He then continues... "Swiper, no swiping!"

I reply, "Swiper? What?"

He says, "Just like Swiper the Fox. Aaaaaamen."

--Commence hysterical laughter from me and J.--

Now, for those of you not familiar with Dora the Explorer, Swiper the Fox is always trying to "swipe" whatever Dora is looking for. In order to stop him, you must say, "Swiper, no swiping!" Swiper always replies, "Ah, man!"

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Recent photos of my adorable kiddos

Do NOT attempt this at home...

Ok, you can if you want, but I'm warning ain't easy. What, you ask? BEING A MOM! Today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I haven't heard the pitiful wails of my two-year-old, C, from upstairs and the angry cries of my 7 week-old daughter, N, downstairs simultaneously at naptime. I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch,'s still early...

I've made a previous attempt at a blog, but just couldn't keep up the energy or desire to maintain it. However, as the days pass more and more quickly, and my brain is able to retain less and less (or so it seems), I feel compelled to try to keep a better record of our day to day life. There are so many things I hope to remember in the coming years, but I doubt my ability to do so given the hectic nature of things. Little things C says or does, the milestones that N reaches, the lessons I learn as a mother...these are things that are important for me to remember. So here I go...

Seven weeks into my journey as a "mother of two," I find myself more confused and feeling more incapable than I did on day one. I suppose at some point we will all "adjust," but I'd really like to know when. The sleep deprivation is catching up with me, although my husband, bless his soul, has lost more sleep than me. (Thank you, honey.) The stress is catching up with everyone, including poor N, who appears to not be able to take a decent nap anymore. Why? Who knows... Newborns are next to impossible to figure out. I know this now, but it's no consolation.

At any rate, I feel incredibly blessed to have such an amazing family. My husband is the love of my life. My two children are healthy and beautiful and generally speaking (tee hee), happy. My biggest struggle these days is trying to live in the moment, for both the good and the bad. I often find myself wishing away the difficult times, but in doing so, I am also wishing away some of the best moments of my life. So, my goal is to take each day, hour by hour, smile by smile, tear by tear, laugh by laugh, small miracle by small miracle... Afterall, it won't be like this for long.