Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Little Blessings

That's what my children are...big blessings in little packages. Honestly, somedays it's all I can do to make it through the day. But, the sight of one of my sleeping angels is enough to bring me to my knees. (Notice I said "sleeping" :))

I read a cheesy quote once about having your heart permanently walking around outside your body once you become a mother. It's so very true. The love you have for a child is so intense, so deeply a part of your soul, the very thought of anything bad ever happening to them can paralyze you with fear. I've never prayed so hard as I have now that I'm a mother. I used to pray for things that were important, sometimes life-or-death matters. But, my daily prayers are desperate pleas now that I'm asking God to keep my little ones safe.

Sometimes the fact that my "mommyhood" is so all-consuming of my life makes me a little sad, even resentful (although I'm ashamed to admit this...). Sometimes the selfish part of me wants so much to not have to bear the burden of being "Mama." But then C laughs or makes ME laugh... Then little N looks at me and smiles the most genuine, "I'm so happy to see you" smile. Or, I find some piece of kid evidence laying around like a smushed goldfish or a missing marker top or an errant paci and I realize that my life before my children was good, wonderful even, but it's SO MUCH BETTER NOW. Harder, yes. But so much better. I'm not just Alisha anymore. I'm Mama. It doesn't get any better than that.

No comments: